Viewing entries in
Social-Political

Comment

Don't forget New Orleans, yall


photo by Houstonian via Flickr

This is some tragic stuff.

A photographer for the Times-Picayune of New Orleans who has undergone severe personal trauma since Hurricana Katrina hit was arrested Tuesday after trying to get police to shoot him to death. Police said he claimed he was depressed after he found out he didn't have enough insurance money to rebuild his Katrina-damaged home.

They said he was seeking "suicide-by-cop," but police who found him tasered him instead.

Earlier published accounts had revealed that he had recently taken a leave of absence from the paper and was undergoing therapy.

Comment

1 Comment

Ok. Israel needs to calm the hell down

Some of my best friends are Jewish. After all, I'm a standup comic! The point is, I have little time and need to spit this right quick.

This is with Israel (yes, i'm focusing on them) has gone too far. They are destroying the entire Lebanese infrastructure, and now I read they've caused an oil spill that could be bigger than Exxon Valdes.

Back when two Israeli soldiers were taken hostage by Hamas militants, Israel responded by blowing up the entire power plant in Gaza! WTF!%$!#

1 Comment

Comment

From Joementum to Joenertia to Joebeatdown?

Many of you know that I can't stand Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman. He's Bush's favorite Democrat, and that is the worst compliment a man can get. Anyway, a guy named Ned Lamont is running against Liebs, especially on the issue of Joe's insane support for the Iraq war. In the beginning, people didn't know Lamont. Lieberman scoffed at him. Then Lamont did well in a Democratic caucus (I think that's what it's called). Then the polls showed Lamont only 15 points behind, and Lieberman said he'd run as an independent if he lost the August 8th primary. Now, Lamont is polling 10 POINTS AHEAD in the primary poll, and he's tied in the general election. What good news for democracy. Get the losers out. Lieberman is the mascot of the kowtowing Dem that decided to abandon his duty to oversee the president's actions and instead place his lips firmly between Dubya's nasty buttocks. Good riddance. If you live in Connecticut, vote, vote and vote.

Comment

Comment

Anwar

No, I'm not talking about the Alaskan nature preserve some people want to rip open for a few years of oil. Anwar is an Egyptian man who drives a taxi cab in Chicago and hates it.

I've got a history of cab driver bonding. I worked a job in Boston that kept me at the office late with my cab rides home covered by my clients. I actually got to a point where I could call the dispatcher, and they'd know my voice: "Hey, Mr. Baratunde!! Where you going today?" I swear I could have run for office in Boston or Cambridge and won just with the cab driver vote.

This past Friday night in Chicago, I was forced to take a cab because the L made some sort of detour which put me as far away from home as the station where I boarded the train. I got off the train and into a cab, asking the driver to take me to a major intersection: North Ave and Western Ave.

"Ok, can you tell me how to get there?" he asked.

For my Boston readers, that's like asking for directions to Mass Ave and Newbury. For D.C. folks, maybe it's 14th & Pennsylvania Rd. For those who live elsewhere, you get the idea.

The driver did, however, have a TomTom GPS unit -- one that was very similar to the unit that was stolen from my car one week before. He plugged in the intersection and listened to modern technology for directions. He had been driving a cab for just one week.

It turns out Anwar doesn't really like driving a cab. I asked him why, and he answered so quickly and articulately, it was clear he thinks about it ALL THE TIME.

  1. He doesn't like the passengers
  2. Passengers are generally very rude and too stressed out
  3. Other cab drivers will do anything for money

Anwar has been in the US for one year. He's hear because, as he put it, "my wife was obsessed with moving to the United States. She insisted that there was more opportunity here. It was very annoying." They won the green card lottery and moved to Chicago. In Egypt, Anwar was a doctor and surgeon. He paid $100 per month to rent a spacious two bedroom, two bathroom apartment. In the U.S., he has to pass three medical exams before he's allowed to be a doctor here. He has passed the first two and is studying for the third. In the meantime, he drives a cab and pays $800 per month for a studio apartment.

Oh, and his English was incredible. Considering that one year ago he spoke no English at all, I was extra impressed. His grammar and pronunciation were great.

He talked to me about the misconceptions Americans have about the Middle East, especially Islam, and how the media just doesn't get it right. He also loved that I do comedy! Given the increasingly crazy political world we're in, he thought comedy was a great means to express certain ideas to the people.

I agree man!

Comment

2 Comments

Announcing Baratunde's New York Times Bestselling Book(cover)s!

In America's charged political atmosphere, the level of acrimony seems to know no bounds. Nowhere is this more clear than in the publishing industry, where books from the Right accuse liberals of everything from having mental disorders to being extremist, pro-death, godless, slandering traitors. Authors such as Ramesh Ponnuru and Ann Coulter have lowered the political discourse with baseless charges and, in the process, raised their income and speaking fees. Well, it's time the Left fought back.

Comedian, author and vigilante pundit Baratunde Thurston is proud to answer these accusations with the release of his bestselling book covers. These empty volumes are the perfect response to the disingenuous, unsubstantiated and sometimes laughable accusations from so-called right wing "pundits." The fact that many of these people are household names is an insult to those who have worked hard to earn that position, namely Paris Hilton and TomKat's baby.

Responding to America's short attention span, Baratunde's publisher has decided to skip straight to the merchandising phase, foregoing printing of the actual "book."

Get your bestselling book cover t-shirt now!

Kittens For BreakfastKITTENS FOR BREAKFAST:
AND OTHER DELICIOUS RECIPES FROM THE CONSERVATIVE KITCHEN

With a new chapter on Senator Bill "Kitten-Killer" Frist!

Excerpts:

"And that's when it occurred to them! Baby seal blubber would really enhance their Independence Day bunny burgers."

   - Chapter 36, "Killed on the 4th of July"

The 700 Club Gangbanged My PuppyTHE 700 CLUB GANGBANGED MY PUPPY

They've called for the assassination of elected foreign leaders. They've blamed feminists for 9/11, and homosexuals for Hurricane Katrina. They said Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon was struck down because he failed to adhere to biblical prophecy. In this never-before-told story, find out where this very special club gets its strength: the buttholes of virgin puppies. Because it's not gay if your partner is a dog.

Endorsements:

"Of course! It all makes sense now."

   - a former member of Jerry Falwell's Moral Majority Coalition

*** Don't forget to check out the alternate cover! ***

Conservatives Haven't Denied Creating AIDSCONSERVATIVES HAVEN'T DENIED CREATING AIDS:
Bill Frist's Secret Plan to Spread the Disease with his Sweaty Hands:
And why I want Rick Santorum to meet him

Consider the evidence:

  1. We have no conclusive proof on the origin of the HIV virus which causes AIDS.
  2. It's well known that conservatives have launched a new effort to reach out to traditional Democratic voters, which include homosexuals and African-Americans.
  3. Political campaigns generally include handshaking with key civil rights leaders.
  4. In a 2004 interview, Republican Senator Bill Frist, a licensed doctor, claimed he "didn't know" if HIV-AIDS could be transmitted by sweat.

Well, the conclusion is clear. The STD-ridden, kitten-killing, puppy-banging wing of the conservative movement created AIDS. If they didn't, then why don't they say so?

Endorsements:

"Baratunde Thurston has uncovered the most frightening secret in America. He should be awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor, a Purple Heart and 30 years on the lucrative lecture circuit."

Finally, against all odds, we tracked down Ann Cooter's tortured conscience, which managed to sneak away long enough to give us this inside scoop.

Husbandless by Ann CooterHUSBANDLESS:
Whine, Screech, 9/11, Buy My Book
by Ann Cooter

She's made a lucrative career of blaming liberals for every failing in society. Now, in her first honest work, Ann Cooter tells all about her loneliness, her lies and her selfish motives.

Endorsements:

"It made me feel sorry for her. Cooter's story made me want to give her a hug... after punching her in the Adam's apple, of course."

   - a reader

"This broad is a millionaire, lionized on TV and in articles about her, reveling in her status as a celebrity and stalked by neo-Nazis. I've never seen someone enjoying other's deaths so much."

   - the 9/11 widows

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

2 Comments