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User Error, Gentrification and How I Got Jacked in Chicago

sign from the universe

photo by me via Flickr (click on pic to view more)

I've been in Chicago for one week now and, for the most part, it's been really positive. The day I arrived, George W. Bush left town. That's always a good sign. Maybe I should move back to D.C.? My studies at the Improv Olympic are going great. I figured out the El and have made a bunch of new friends.

Of course, I've got my share of small complaints. It's hot as heyall; the six-way intersections have got to go; and, while it's true that Boston has really bad drivers, Chicago has really deadly drivers. People here treat red lights like ideas they just don't happen to believe in.

The low point, though, was last Friday at 1:30am when I found my car broken into. As is my custom, I can't just tell you the details of the incident. I need to touch on urban development, gentrification, class transcendence and common sense. Prepare yourself.

I have been to a shit-ton of American cities over the course of my life, but especially over the past seven years. Boston (obviously), New York, San Francisco, Portland, LA, Tacoma, DC, Lansing, Austin, Chicago. Even the cities I haven't seen recently, I've experienced through college friends who landed there post-graduation. Almost all of these cities share a major storyline: urban (re)development. The slums are getting a makeover, becoming home to high-priced condominiums.

After the riots of the 60s and 70s, white people left cities. After the crack wave of the 80s, the few remaining bounced too. They fled to the suburbs which became the ex-urbs. Commuting time grew from 30 minutes to and hour to sometimes two hours in each direction. Meanwhile the innercities were largely underinvested and left to decay. I'm not sure what turned the tide -- maybe the excessive commute and distance from a city center became too much or land got more expensive outside the city -- but in the late 1990s, people started talking about the return to the city.

My own neighborhood in D.C. bears this out. My mom packed me and the dog up in the summer of 1991 after the beating, shooting and dealing became too stressful for a single mother with a teenaged black boy. For a few years later, things in the old hood didn't improve, but I've gone back in 2000, 2005 and just a few months ago, and there are now two nice white people from Iowa renting a renovated version of our old basement for the price of the mortgage payments my mom was making.

When money comes back to the city, however, it's not a simple binary transfer from hood to neighborhood. See the recent Americablog post about how the tension between old school and new school can lead to disastrous and deadly consequences.

gentrification of west bucktown - 4

The Chicago Version

I forgot all these things when I came to Chicago. I'm staying with a friend who lives in West Bucktown (2600 W, 1700 N for those who know the lingo), on the edge of Humboldt Park. His landlord was telling me that 10 years ago, the neighborhood was maybe 20 percent black, 70 percent Latino and 10 percent white. Now it's 10 percent black, 50 percent Latino and 40 percent white. Walking around, it doesn't feel dangerous at all, but it just feels a little hood-ish. Anytime your major retail options are no-name groceries that end in "-Mart", check cashing places, auto body shops and laundromats, you're in something more on the hood side of the neighborhood-hood spectrum.

gentrification of west bucktown - 9

There are plenty of boarded up homes and abandoned lots around too.

At the same time, people are selling condos for $200K and even $300K+, and you can't pass a block without seeing some sign promising a new condo unit "Coming Soon" right across the street from the check-cashing spot. The trend isn't limited to pseudo-hoods like west Bucktown either. I got to see some of the South Side, and it's starting to happen there too.

gentrification of west bucktown - 7

So what does this have to do with my car stereo getting jacked? Well, I let my guard down. I haven't lived in a hood in a really long time. I left DC in 1995 and left the place with the shootin in 1989. My friend Glenn said I got soft. I had a removable faceplace on my stereo, but did I remove it? Noooooo. I was no longer living in a world where I assumed people were assholes. I assume politicians are assholes, but not my neighbors.

Why didn't other cars get broken into? Because I was the new car, I had out of state plates, and I had a cheap but nice looking head unit.

at least they broke the cheap window

What Did They Steal?

Oh, and I had let the car sit in the same spot, un-accessed from Sunday through Thursday. So here's how it went down. They broke the rear passenger side fixed window (thanks for breaking the cheapest one guys!) and unlocked the door. Then a thorough search of the car revealed the following must-have list:

  • must break window to enter car ($40)
  • sony head unit ($130)
  • portable TomTom GPS 300 ($600). I know, if it's portable, why did I leave it in the car? to my credit, I hid it in a seat pocket, but I acknowledge the dumbness of that,
  • car chargers for iPod and cell phone ($45)
  • roll of quarters ($10). for laundry? tolls?
  • $10 bill ($10)
  • Tupac CD I hadn't ripped to iTunes yet ($10)
  • the cover for my spare tire with a Deval Patrick for Governor sticker on it ($10). They were trying to take the spare but gave up

All told, that's $865 worth of stuff I lost, but the only real things of value are the stereo and the GPS. The stereo I consider acceptable. The GPS I had disabled by the company that made it.

They left my EZ-Pass/Fast Lane toll booth billing thingy, laundry detergent and most importantly, THE CAR.

They also broke the cheapest window and did a clean job of removing the stereo.

bye bye stereo

Basically, I forgot where I was. I can't just be stupid happy guy with his cool, political, pink t-shirt and iPod blocking out the world and car not moving and valuable shit exposed to the world. It was an expensive reminder but also one that I needed.

So thank you burglars. Oh, and if you mess with my car again, I'll firebomb the whole goddamned neighborhood. :)

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jacked in chicago

Came home last night to find my car was broken into. They stole my new, cheap ($150) stereo head unit. And my GPS which was in the seat pocket. Will post more details later. Am on the phone with la policia. I'm more annoyed than anything cause now I have to deal with insurance, replacing a window pane, my tint job has to be redone on that one and I need to replace the electronics! The stereo loss is irritating. The GPS is expensive. Damn.

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I know a 29 year old with no pots and pans!!


photo by I Am Paul's Typing Fingers via Flickr

So I arrived in Chicago this past summer to start my cool improviness program. I'm staying at a friend's place for a while -- a generous friend who made space for me. But there's a problem. This dude is 29 years old, not poor, and has no pots and pans!! Seriously, I told some other friends of mine in town about this, and they GAVE me a pot and a pan to donate to dude. That's too much. The refrigerator had beer, soda and condiments. I asked his girlfriend what he eats, and she said he just grills meat out on the deck. That's so triflin! Homey, cook something!!

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Tonight I get studied in my sleep

For those of you who listen to the podcast, you know I've been having some SIReous sleep issues over the past few months: difficulty breathing, choking, massive daytime headaches and generally constant fatigue. Tonight, I'm heading into the Sleep Lab at Mass General Hospital so they can jack me in to the Matrix and figure out what's going on. I think I know how it all began, though. For years, I challenged sleep to a duel, and now, sleep is kickin my behin-y. I was in college from 1995 - 1999, and generally got about five, maybe six hours of sleep a night, for FOUR YEARS! I settled on a 2am - 7am pattern after experimenting with some karazy routines my freshman year including: Sleeping four hours a night Sleeping eight hours every other night Perpetually cat-napping Just plain not sleeping I considered sleep to be the enemy of my hyper-active life. "I'll sleep when I die" was my attitude, and a lot of my friends were jealous. They thought I had an unfair advantage and could get more work done than they could. Here's the catch though: I don't remember college! I'm hardly kidding. There is so much from those four years which is simply gone: people's names, classes, cafeteria silverware (the one thing college does provide in preparation for the real world). After college, I kept this up for a while. I would work until 11pm then go out till 2am, then get back to work by 8am. I knew I had a problem when I woke up one morning and found a partially eaten chicken wing in my clothes dresser. I didn't remember even buying the chicken! So years later, I have at least abandoned my overt anti-sleep stance, but now sleep is having its revenge and not giving up the quality stuff. wish me luck!

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I have $58 in my bank account

Talk about college-type days. I have a crazy cool life. I get to do my comedy, writing, politics thing by working about half the year for the man doing consulting work. The pay is good, but it's irregular, so one day I get a check that seems big enough to buy a small immigrant family, but weeks later, like now, I have $58 in my bank account!

Being this broke sucks. I think I can blame Vegas for this time around. I went out there a few weeks ago for the Consumer Electronics Show thinking my consulting bosses had covered the hotel. Turns out they only paid the deposit, and I had to cover the TWO THOUSAND DOLLAR bill myself and request re-imbursement later. How is it that I don't even gamble, yet I still lost my shirt in Las Vegas? The house always wins right?

With $58, there's not much I can go out and do, and I am amazed at where money comes from when you really need it. Stuff like:

  1. Spare change! A few months back, I was able to get $60 bones from spare change. That's serious loot.
  2. Selling used CDs. I got about $30 last time I did this, but I have no more CDs to get rid of
  3. Walking! I'm like the captain of walking in Boston now. No matter the weather or temperature, I'm not giving up my cash to the MBTA. No no no.
  4. Gadget sales. I've been holding on to this iPod color photo for no good reason. Time to release it. I even have the car FM joint, a remote controlled set of earphones and a cool case. I have the new iPod, so why am I even holding on to that old joint? No more. Get ready boston.craigslist.com!
  5. Eating in. In fact, staying in. I'm usually so wiped out when I roll home, that the idea of cooking is ridiculous, but not anymore. I just realized how much food I really have. Plus I have the Internet and bittorrent, so entertainment is plentify. It's like a camping trip

Today I found some old books I didn't want anymore and took them to the Harvard Book Store. They bought a few, and I made $6 whole dollars. Plus they owed me money for some books of mine they'd sold. I also found about 20 Susan B. Anthony dollar coins 

That's all for now. Now would be a good time for you to buy a copy of my book Money mouth

 - Broke Ass Baratunde

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Cut out to Florida

This is my first holiday season in a warm climate. I'm in South Florida with my girlfriend and her family, and it's 79 degrees right now. This is the true spirit of Christmas. One complaint though: too many old people down here. I've heard the complaints before: early buffet dinners and wacky voting patterns are the hallmark of Florida's aged population, but the driving down here drove me crazy. I must have almost hit five people for driving too slow. It's like the world is in slow motion, but I'm still in real time. That's really all I came to say just now.

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Happy Rape-A-Native Day!!

Yesterday was my first Thanksgiving without my mother, and it went a lot better than I could have expected. I'm in cold-ass Lansing, Michigan with my older sister, and we went dinner-hopping to two different houses. One family even named their Turkey "Stefan."

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