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[NP] I'm Goin Back to Cali PLUS new video!

What it is yall?

I just got back to Boston after a week in nearly every American timezone! My Portland, Oregon vacation was muy perfecto with additional brief stops in Minneapolis, Cedar Rapids and Chicago. I was last in Chicago for my improv summer program and spent all Thursday night back at the Improv Olympic taking in the talent. If you live there or will go, check out The Reckoning.

Now, an exciting and fun-filled NewsPhlash for ya.


THIS WEEK'S WINNER

is Charles in Clinton, Louisiana!!

Charles had, hands down, the best answers. Here's a sample:

Q: When did you first see Baratunde perform or read his work, etc.? What do you remember?

A: I was in this weird blog link exploration fuque. I was surfing buzzflash, which lead to patriotboy, which lead to only God knows and among my many stops I came upon the blog goodcrimethink. Loving Orwell and Brother's with Glasses (We need a sex symbol for the ocularly impaired, Urkel isn't cutting it)I immediately began to devour this site as if in a fever dream. Then I blackedout. A few days later I remember reading some blog on the net, looked it up, and have been here ever since.

Q: Please provide a contact at a club, theatre or college you think would dig Baratunde's comedy
A: I live in effing Louisiana, Clinton louisiana. My next door neighbors have more shotguns than they do family members, and they're a family of 8. I can't jog at night for fear of getting shot. Please don't come here, I'd be so sorry for being respondible for what happens.

Q: This is your chance to say anything else you feel the need to get off your chest right about now.
A: Free stuff from comedy sites is how I maintain my sanity. If give aways like this did not exist, I would be forced into a life of crime to be able to afford my insatiable comedian habit. I don't want to rob an old lady to get my Baratunde fix, but I will if it comes to that. Don't let it come to that. I love my Grandma.

Thanks so much Charles. You're hilarious. Now, stop it! To everybody else. We're doing this giveaway EVERY week until April. You can win t-shirts and books.

Just fill out this questionnaire to enter.



I'M GOIN BACK TO CALI, STYLIN, PROFILIN

I was just notified that I've been accepted into the Bay Area Black Comedy Competition and Festival! Past contestants and winners include Don "D.C." Curry, Mike Epps, D.L. Hughley, Mark Curry, Jaime Foxx and Chris Tucker. It happens from February 16-18 in and around San Fran, so thanks to my northern Cali people for your patience. I know I haven't been out there in a while. Hopefully I'll get a chance to swing through SoCal as well but no promises just yet.



MOJOS (MOMENTARY JOKES) ARE BACK

I know I've been a bit behind on sharing these, but airplanes + USA Today = new jokes, so enjoy.

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Despite the warnings of meteorologists, absolutely no hurricanes made landfall in the US this year. Scientists explained that a late El Nino pattern was responsible, but the truth is that since the destruction of New Orleans, there was simply a lot less gay sex in 2006.
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A new study finds that most of the funds used to support Iraq's Sunni insurgents comes from Saudi Arabia. After hearing the news, President Bush cuddled with King Abdullah, and the US government doubled its 2007 order of Saudi oil.
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A Mexican woman gave birth on a flight from Mexico to Chicago shortly before landing. That's a mother who takes her illegal immigration seriously!
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and finally, a bonus VIDEO MOJO that I wrote, performed, recorded and uploaded all in the past 48 hours!

Walmart's New Strategy.



STAY IN TOUCH

MYSPACE: http://www.myspace.com/baratunde
FACEBOOK: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=2244
YOUTUBE: http://www.youtube.com/baratunde
FLICKR: http://www.flickr.com/photos/baratunde/
MOJOS: http://www.dailycomedy.com/baratunde_thurston/home/
YELP: http://baratunde.yelp.com
BLOG: http://www.baratunde.com/blog

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[NP] T-shirt winners, vintage video and an unforgettable surgery (not mine)

Well, alrighty then. Citizens of Baratundesia, it's good to be back on schedule. We've got a special NewsPhlash for you that will more than make up for the delay. We've got stories of Nintendo Wii addiction, anal stitches (yes, you read that right), some shoutouts and, as promised, our first t-shirt and book contest winners are announced, inspiring me to post my first official standup gig from 2002 online because of you guys! Oh yeah, my YouTube videos have been viewed over 12,500 times!! woohoo! >>>>> Our first contest winners!!! <<<<< #1 Michelle from Providence, RI and #2 Lisa from Boston, MA Michelle will be receiving one autographed copy of my first book, Better Than Crying, Poking Fun at Politics, the Press & Pop Culture. Lisa will be receiving a babydoll, blue Kittens for Breakfast t-shirt! Congratulations ladies! It would be great to get a photo of you with the book and shirt, but no pressure! Highlights from their answers: Lisa's favorite joke, etc. of mine: "ok, i really liked when you had that npr interview with jane elliott. i liked that she received the honorary black person card." Michelle's favorite joke, etc. of mine: "I've liked lots of the blog posts, but I especially liked your contribution to blackpeopleloveus.com. Hey, do you know where I can get some weed?" My Response: Actually, Michelle, you want to talk to my boy Michael Richards. He's got the hook up! Lisa on first seeing me perform: "it was the young professionals for deval fundraiser. i remember your jokes about your name - I've met a Nigerian father and you were right on! i also remember that you didn't just leave after you performed. you stuck around and met people, including me. and you weren't snooty. You offered to include my blog address on your webpage. and then you did it! thanks, man." My Response: Lisa, you are so welcome and so on! I am not snooty! I think I'll put that in my presskit. Michelle on first seeing me perform: I saw your graduation show when you took the standup class like four years ago, 3rd floor of the Hong Kong. Yeah, that's right. You followed Sarah Silverman. She told a joke about how her ex-boyfriend got offended when she said he would've been a really expensive slave. You started with explaining that you would've been a really expensive slave. My Response: That's a pretty close memory there, Michelle. It's true yall. On my first real show ever, I had to follow Sarah Silverman! She indeed closed with that slavery joke. I got up there and said I'd have been a priceless slave. And actually, yall are in luck. Michelle has inspired me! I dug out the video of that first show, and I've just put it Google Video (was too big for YouTube). I'm a bit heavier and a lot less hairy, but it's me. Check it out and see me transition from Sarah Silverman by immediately attacking babies and children.

Check out vintage Baratunde, nearly five years ago!

Remember, I'll be giving away books and t-shirts for the next 21 weeks! The rules are simple. You actually have to be on my email list to have a chance, and I've made the entries a little easier with this web form here. >>>>> You had surgery where? <<<<< I have shared many medical trials and tribulations with you people, and from time to time I've wondered, am I a bit too open about all this? Is it too much information? A conversation I had on Saturday night has assured me that I haven't even gotten close. I was at a friend's birthday party, and within five minutes of meeting a woman there, she proceeded to tell me about how she required surgery on her actual anus. I know! And then she told me about the anal stitches. I know, yall! But since I had to suffer, so will you! At no point in our introduction did I ask, "So, how do you know Bob, and by the way, do you have any anecdotes you could share involving your anus? Really? You do!? Well do carry on!" Now that you're warmed up. Let's continue with the weekend. >>>>> I installed Linux on my old laptop <<<<< During the day on Saturday, I was a motivated man. I updated my mailing list, submitted to some comedy festivals, went shopping, worked to overthrow our corporatist government, and I even bought candles for my apartment. I've found that myrrhe works really well to get rid of that Thankstaking genocide dinner aroma. I had finished my errands, and decided to go to the mall. You have to understand, there was no reason to go to the mall. I had the damn candles (BTW, Dyptique on Newbury is the hotness), yet I found myself in the Best Buy. I knew why I was there. I wanted to get a Nintendo Wii. The last time I went through major medical drama (see tuberculosis 2004), I bought myself a hacked Xbox. I thought a mini-stroke qualified me for a Wii, but Best Buy didn't have any. Then I started checking out the Xbox 360. Then I went to EB Games, and they didn't have a Wii, but they had the Nintendo DS Lite which looked so cute and purchaseable! Then I went back to Best Buy and nearly attacked the sales guy. "Well, when will you get the Wii? Do you at least have a demo I could play. Please?! I just want to hold the controller!" It was when I found myself in the Apple store surfing eBay for the non-existent WiiBox 360 Lite that I realized I had a problem. I went home, busted out an old IBM laptop that wasn't doing the world any good, and proceeded to install Ubuntu Linux on it. Ahhh, sweet relief. I just needed to play with some technology. I needed the rush of downloading updates and pushing buttons. Anytime I find myself fiending for a game console, I just play with my free Linux machine. Mmmmm, security patches. >>>>> Save the dates <<<<< No shows this week. I'm off to Portland, OR for a little rest and relaxation (see abnormal migraines and fake stroke 2006), but there are a few Boston shows you should mark down. December 8th & 9th The Comedy Studio and a very special announcement... The Laughing Liberally Lab is coming to Boston! January 17th, 2007. and I'll be hosting!! >>>>> Shoutouts <<<<< To this guy, who nearly escapes a high speed police car chase twice! What a driver. To one of my favorite new websites, www.yelp.com. It has cool local reviews of restaurants, night life and stuff. Kind of like Citysearch but better. Check out my reviews via baratunde.yelp.com >>>>> MoJos (Momentary Jokes) <<<<< next week, yall. I'm tired. ---------------------- Baratunde Thurston Comedian, Author, Vigilante Pundit www.baratunde.com and everywhere else Internet tubes are found... MYSPACE: http://www.myspace.com/baratunde FACEBOOK: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=2244 YOUTUBE: http://www.youtube.com/baratunde FLICKR: http://www.flickr.com/photos/baratunde/ MOJOS: http://www.dailycomedy.com/baratunde_thurston/home/ YELP: http://baratunde.yelp.com BLOG: http://www.baratunde.com/blog

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Bush likes to use "the Google"

ThinkProgress has the transcript and video:
HOST: I’m curious, have you ever googled anybody? Do you use Google? BUSH: Occasionally. One of the things I’ve used on the Google is to pull up maps. It’s very interesting to see — I’ve forgot the name of the program — but you get the satellite, and you can — like, I kinda like to look at the ranch. It remind me of where I wanna be sometimes.
So you'd like to be at the ranch? I bet there are several thousand members of the Armed Forces who'd love to be there too so they could punch you in the face and send you to the jail. But that's the price you pay for being the Decider.

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Just checking on yall

Wadup my peoples,

My goal of daily blogging here is a little behind because I need money and am working on some cool projects to bring in le bacon. Meantime, check out my man Timmy Mac's blog:

Let's cut to the chase: if any of you had even a shred of professional pride, you would immediately hang yourselves - if you could possibly find rope with the tensile strength to support your flabby, useless asses long enough to do the job. Delays happen. Reasonable people know this. Trains are made of metal and run by men, and both are far from perfection. But every day? Every goddamn day?

You want to read this. you know you do.

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Opening for Al Franken (the movie, that is)

This past weekend, I had a pretty unique opportunity to serve as host and MC for the Boston premier of Al Franken: God Spoke. It's a documentary film which begins with the release of Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right. The movie moves from the summer of 2004, through the formation of Air America Radio and the painful events of 11/02 to Franken's announcement that he was considering a move home to Minnesota where he might run for Senate in 2008 against Norm Coleman, the man who stole the seat from Paul Wellstone. Balcony Releasing, the distributor, has teamed up with Drinking Liberally to promote the movie across the country, and DL definitely made up the majority of the audience, so it's working to some extent. My job was to introduce the movie and then run a 20-minute "improvised Q&A" after it was over. What exactly does that mean? Good question. I wasn't sure how I'd pull that off, but seeing as I'm a political comedian, recently-trained improviser and Al Franken fan, I figured I could handle it. I'm not going to talk much about my opening or the movie. Go see the film yourself. Go see me perform live yourself. I wanted, instead, to spend this space on the issues that came up after the film because I think some of it affects us all. Issue 1: Why would Franken run for Senate? Isn't he more effective doing what he's doing now (satirist, radio host, rabble-rouser)? The people who prefer Al to stick where he is had this to offer
  • he's free now to say what he wants about whom he wants
  • he has a national audience five days a week
  • he can be as funny or outrageous as he wants; he's got artistic/creative freedom
  • also, there was the idea that a celebrity might not be as effective in politics
in short, one democratic senator cannot affect as many people as one Al Franken My take is this: First, it's a good question. It's true that Al has a relatively national platform and artistic freedom to pursue the issues he wants and give a platform to other liberal voices (like CFAP, Salon.com and more). However, I think we're overlooking some important points merely focusing on the above angles. Let's deal with celebrity first. Anyone can be an elected official, and anyone can be good or bad. It doesn't matter if you come from entertainment, business, politics, academia. I don't believe there's any correlation. Arnold had limited experience and is governing pretty well (ignore the politics and think, "does California function as well under Arnold as Gray Davis?"). Franken's effectiveness would have little to do with his origins in the entertainment biz. I'd also say he's proven himself to have a greater understanding of just about every issue than the average member of Congress. Senator Franken would be incredibly fun to watch. I think he would do more for C-SPAN's ratings and civilian interest in politics than almost anyone else could. As a fan of C-SPAN, I would have to support his candidacy. It's not quite accurate to think that one Democratic senator can't do a lot of good. The fact that he'd be replacing a Republican could tip the balance of power. One Democratic senator might allow the party to take over the Senate and control committees, lead investigations and maybe even pass a reasonable law or two. There's an assumption built into this question about what "good" is. Yes, it's "good" to address a large audience for two hours a day, but it's also "good" to stop the US from starting an entirely unjustified war that has led to the deaths of tens of thousands of innocent Iraqis, not to mention dead and maimed US soldiers. If Senator Franken is willing to show the cajones that Senators Kerry, Edwards, Clinton and others would not (when they approved the war), I would say that's doing a hell of a lot of "good." Finally, there's something demanding of the utmost respect when those from the sidelines who have been commenting and criticizing decide to put their money where their mouths are and jump in the ring. Howard Dean said it, and others have before him. If you've got a problem with the government, don't just complain. Don't just vote. Run! Using humor to highlight issues may not be far enough. This is a perfect segue to the next big question that came up. Issue 2: What do you think is more successful/effective? Air America or The Daily Show and Colbert Report? The premise here is
  • Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are on the medium of television, not "just" radio
  • The Daily Show has often been cited as the number one news source for young people and as good as "real news"
  • Stewart-Colber `08 has garnered a lot of attention, though the men reject any attempts to draft them into office
My take: This is a false premise, the idea that there's a binary choice between Air America and The Daily Show. Effective use of the media is about having a diversified platform to develop and disseminate a message. Do you think the Right asks, "is it better to have Fox News Channel or Rush Limbaugh?" Of course not! You have both plus an American Enterprise Institute and a Powerline Blog and some attack wenches like Michelle Malkin and Ann Cooter. Any machine requires many parts. Air America is on the air for maybe 14 hours a day, and reaches a different demographic than TDS, which is on for 22 minutes a day. There's no time to get in-depth on TDS. And while it's popular among the young people, Air America (aka "just radio") reaches people with jobs and money who commute to work in their cars and listen from their cubicles. Also, I don't have time to do the research, but I imagine the Air America audience is bigger than TDS and Colbert. Finally, Air America is explicitly partisan, and that's a good voice to have out there. Jon Stewart, on the other hand, has repeatedly distanced himself from the liberal camp and from actual activism. Note, this is not a judgement, just information. I had a chance to ask Stewart a question a few years ago at Harvard's JFK School of Government. The question was basically: "do you ever feel that humor isn't enough? That it's not an adequate response to the social and political problems it highlights? Do you ever feel the need to act? His answer was short and to the point: "No." That shocked me, and granted this was maybe 2-3 years ago, and he could have changed his mind, but I got the feeling he would never feel called to do anything beyond the humor. Personally, and as a comedian, I know I can't stop at the stage. I've campaigned for people. I've worked explicitly political or partisan events. This crap makes me so angry, I've gotta do more than get people to think about it through humor. I want folks to get up and move! Air America is about humor but also message, action and victory. Issue 3: What's up with Air America financially? I hear they're bankrupt again. There have been a lot of news stories, rumors and facts in the past week about the financial health of Air America. In fact, there have always been. Shortly after launch, AAR was off the air in Chicago and LA, reportedly for not paying rent. Seems the main fundraiser exaggerated the amount of funds raised. Then they fell off the air in NYC. And recently Franken himself said they were late on a check to him. I have no idea what's up with the health of AAR, but I know what they are trying to do is difficult. In a medium dominated by the Right and facing fundamental challenges to its existence from time-shifting and Internet-based media models, who wouldn't have trouble launching a national radio network? I just hope they make it, because we need them! Issue 4: Question 2 on the upcoming Massachusetts ballot promotes "fusion" voting. Discuss' This topic took a lot of time for the group to discuss, largely because the idea is confusing. Basically, the goal is to give issues more prominence in an election by allowing parties to endorse people that aren't their candidates. So the Green Party could endorse Ned Lamont, and so make a statement that it supports Lamont. The ballot would track people who voted for Lamont-Dem vs. Lamont-Green and in theory, if the latter is significant, he has to reflect their influence a bit. New York State uses this. I have no idea how effective it is. My take: this is amazingly confusing and doesn't seem to make a lot of sense. The Green Party is more interested in fielding its own candidates, and if they like the Dem or Rep, they can say so via an endorsement. In the end the same person probably is going to win. I'm in favor of more drastic election reform like proportional voting or maybe even vote-counting in certain circumstances. Thanks for reading this. If you have questions or, better, answers of your own, leave'em in the comments!

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