Momentary Jokes (mojos) 9/11/2005


These are some of the jokes I performed with Peter Dutton today at the 9/11 show at the Comedy Studio in Cambridge, Mass.

U.S. forces in Afghanistan marked the fourth anniversary of 9/11 in a solemn ceremony yesterday. Meanwhile U.S. Forces in iraq held a similar ceremony but weren't sure exactly what they were commemorating.

Fearing a subway bombing here, Boston MBTA police are headed to London to observe transit cops. Meanwhile, Brazilians in boston have decided to walk to work.

according to the British Medical Journal, women with high levels of stress in their everyday lives are at less risk of developing breast cancer. instead, they will all die of heart attacks.

First lady Laura Bush threw out her suggestion for supreme court justice friday saying "as a woman myself, I hope it will be a woman." Using the same logic, former first lady barbara bush said she hopes it will be a bitch.

Barbara Bush has suggested that the mostly poor and black Superdome refugees were better off in temporary Texas housing because “they were, you know, underprivileged. This is working well for them.” Shortly after her comments, the city of Detroit issued the following statement: “keep that crazy bitch away from our black people.”

The flood waters have yet to recede, and Halliburton has been awarded contracts to clean up after Hurricane Katrina. In fact, Halliburton has already signed advanced rebuilding contracts with the federal government for the Great California Earthquake of 2009 and a logistical support contract with the Chinese government for WWIII.

the house of representatives announced it will start hearings on the gov response to hurricane katrina this thursday. But failure to provide enough desks, microphones and notepads will force the hearings to start a week later than requested.

FEMA director michael brown has been recalled from heading up Katrina operations so he can coordinate the response to other disasters, like his career.

This week, long-time Bush advisor Karen Hughes will start her job trying to improve America’s image abroad. Her first mission is to explain the apparently inept hurricane response. Hughes is expected to argue that, on the contrary, Hurricane Katrina gave the government a chance to jumpstart its long-planned “Aggressive Diversity Initiative” to redistribute high concentrations of African Americans to color-needy states like Utah and New Mexico.