Bush and al-Qaeda should totally make out


Enough with the flirting. I think Bush and al-Qaeda need some time alone to get it on because they clearly have a thing for each other. Each one keeps doing shit that keeps the other in power. The cycle of flattery is killing me.

Being an American who voted for Gore back in 2000, I'd like to blame Bush for starting the lovefest, but it was al-Qaeda. They turned a listless, vacationing, frat-boy president into a leader. They turned a boy whose baby bro helped steal an election into a man who actually won one. Then Bush reciprocated.

"Aww shucks Osama. Thanks for scratching my back and giving me purpose. My turn to return the favor. Let's bomb the Muslims to kingdom come!"

And so began the war on terror. With us or against us. Dead or alive. Osama, Osama, O Saddam, Saddam. We do bin Laden's dirty work for him doubly. He hates Saddam too, so we take out Saddam. He hates US military presence in the Gulf, so we give him the biggest yet. His ranks swell.

It's better to fight the terrorists over there, instead of here at home. Wonder if Tony B still feels that way. I wonder if he realized that London isn't "home" to Bush. Hell, the Northeast US isn't home either. He's probably just ready to defend Midland, Texas.

So just as Bush's approval ratings here approach zero degrees Kelvin, and fellow liberals hope against hope that their fellow citizens are awakening to the great white hoax, al-Qaeda delivers Bush a few off-cycle electoral votes.

Dammit.

on london

I was up late last night -- till about 2am, but I woke up at 6:35am with no alarm and couldn't get back to sleep. I went to me kitchen, grabbed some water and headed, as always, to my beautiful Mac.

That's when gmail told me that CNN had sent an urgent news alert. London had been attacked. Several Tube stations had been bombed along with at least one bus packed with people being driven from a closed Tube station. Since CNN is full of shit I thought I'd get a bit closer and checked out the BBC website. Less Eau de Feces on that network. They listed the affected stations, and I remembered many from my week in London this past April.

Kings Cross. Been there.

Aldgate East. Several times used by me to get scrumptuous tasties off of Brick Lane. My boy manages a club, Rhythm Factory, just a few blocks away.

Old Street. Old Street??? That's where I was staying for about five days. A college friend of mine let me crash at his Hoxton Square spot. "Should I be worried?" I thought. "Nah. Dude gets up mad late, and he walks to work. Probably missed the whole thing."

I sent him a short email, and he got back to me within 15 mins. All was ok.

I read that U.S. Vice President Tony Blair was gonna be holding a press conference at 7am ET, so I tuned in on my tele. Again BBC. He was clearly shook. But he said what he had to. We will never give in. Our will is stronger. Don't mess with Texas. You know the drill.

I started looking for alternative coverage. Checked out some up-to-the-minute flickr photo postings. Went to London Indy Media Center. Looked to the blogs. Surprised at the low fatality count. Happy, if I can be happy about an aspect of tragedy. But also suspicious. Are the numbers just not being reported yet?

Then I saw another press conference. This time it was Blair flanked with his homies from the Gang of 8. Chirac on stage left. Hands crossed over his midsection. Maybe he felt guilty. London just swiped the 2012 Olympics from his gay Paris. Maybe he went to bed last night angry. Maybe he wished for bad things to happen to London. Then he woke up and found himself standing next to a heartbroken Tony Blair trying to look in charge.

Stage right. That gangsta nigga. Dubya. No long face here. Nothing "french looking" about him. Hands weren't crossed at all. Nuts all exposed. Proudly. Fists clinched to either side. Is he hoping for another attack? Does he look forward to these chances to look "resolute" and "determined" and "presidential?" Has he calculated the bounce in the polls? How many approval points per bomb? How many basis points per dead Londoner?