The MBTA can kiss my behin-y


Yo this is ridiculous. I waited at a Boston train station for about an hour this morning. Walking would actually have been faster. The only reason I made it out at all was I think I trampled some woman. Sorry, that's just evolution kicking in... old lady.

I'm not the only one who was stranded at Central Square this morning, and the irony of it is:


  • I was much earlier than I normally am. I don't work in an office on a regular basis, and with my club-bouncing, stand-up comedying, new PowerMac owning-lifestyle, I tend to keep hours and don't leave home until a bit after 9am. But today was different. I had a doctor's appointment and left my crib at about 8:10, gaining an hour I'd only lose waiting for the train.

  • I feel like I was having a Clerk's moment. I WASN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. I had thought about taking the hour-long walk to the doctor's office, but would have been horribly late. As things turned out, I was worse off in both time and money with the T.


You could tell there was a problem just getting into the station. People were stacked about five deep back from the yellow line. I rolled to the very front in hopes of getting on one of the less crowded cars, but when the train came through, it was packed like a cargo container full of Eastern European hookers (not that I know anything about that).

I didn't have a chance of getting on. I saw my co-worker, and he did a last minute slip through the door. Smooooooth. Bastard. In an effort to reduce the crushing stampede of office workers desparate to return to their cubicles, the train's announcer said, "There's a local service train directly behind this one, so please step back from the yellow line." What a receptacle of bovine excrement that was!

Twenty minutes later that local train came rolling through just as packed as the train before. This time, I nudged my way to within one person of getting on the train, but when the doors opened, only one worked. Maybe five people got on, and I was left behind again as the woman in front of me decided not to shove aside the elderly man. Goody too-shoes.

15-20 minutes after that, the third train came through. At this point, I had lost all of my hometraining and "civilization." I wanted on the train. I was going to be more than an hour late for my doctor's appointment and really had no patience left. The announcer again promised there was a train directly behind this one, but I new she would say anything to get us behind the yellow line. I'm surprised they don't just say, "Attention passengers, there is a dirty bomb on this train. Please step back from the yellow line to avoid radiation poisoning."

I bolted to the front as soon as the door opened, cutting in front of many people and caring not one bit. I think someone yelled at me, but I was listening to my iPod. The song: GrandMaster Flash, "Don't Push Me Cause I'm Close to the Edge."

From now on, if I really need to get somewhere fast, I'll do it the old-fashioned way. I'll walk.